Top 10 Ways to Not Get Any Writing Done

1) Research
Three hours on Wikipedia is totally work, and if anyone tells you otherwise they are clearly the kind of person who doesn’t know the difference between a merlon and an embrasure.

2) Organize
Doing all that research is useless if you can’t find it later. Let a trained information professional assure you that proper organization requires folders within folders, labels, a dozen different colored highlighters, and fancy binders you spent two hours in Office Max selecting.

3) Read
Successful writers read good writers. Doing it to the exclusion of everything else for a week is simply steeping one’s self in quality writing.

4) Make a Playlist
The right music makes the soul soar into the rarefied air where the best writers live with their stellar prose. And while you’re compiling the perfect playlist, watching hours of fanvids on YouTube provides tons of inspiration.

5) Watch a Movie
There’s that thing they do in that one movie that’s just like what you want to do in your novel. Watching the movie will totally get you on the right track.

6) Watch Some TV
Preferably, this should be done at least a complete season at a time, otherwise you don’t see the arcs that will influence your masterpiece.

7) Talk about Writing
It doesn’t matter that you don’t have anything concrete to discuss because you haven’t written anything. Abstract theorizing is what keeps academia in business, after all.

8) Scrub the Floor
Really, it’s been too long, and putting it off another afternoon so you can write is downright unsanitary.

9) Check Twitter
You’re just keeping an eye on your brand on social media, and your rant about how much the weather sucks is precisely what your followers are looking for from an aspiring novelist.

10) Blog
In a perfect scenario, the blog should be an easily assembled list that doesn’t tax your prose writing abilities; you need to save your best stuff for your novel.



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